Final Final Blog...

In class today, Brother Clarke asked everyone to raise their hand if they're stressed out. Everyone raised their hand. (End of semester stress...) Then he asked us to do something for someone who is more stressed out than we are and then blog about it.  So I asked fellow student, Willow Kantrow (who works part-time and who takes 5 classes) if she'd like some dinner.  She said "Yes!"  So we went to Costa Vida, one of my favorite places to go. She said she loves it too! Willow has been so fun to get to know this semester. She is smart, funny, and was a great partner to have for our GoPro group presentation. I love going to BYU and the reminders we get from wise professors to look and see others instead of focusing on ourselves. Peace out MCOM320.

Final Blog

For my last blog I just wanted to write about this class.  Communication has always been a weakness of mine. I worried about taking this class all throughout school, and  I am taking it towards the end of my education for that very reason.

Being able to speak in a way that not only gets your point across but represents how you really feel is so important, but has always been so difficult for me.  I've always done a little better in written communication.  But after this class, I feel like I can do both so much better.  My grammar and sentence structure is better, and I was even able to do a few oral presentations for this class. I actually quit college years ago because I didn't think I could give an oral presentation, and this semester I did two!

I am really grateful for professor Clarke. He set the tone at the very beginning of the class that made me believe I could do this.  He encouraged us, taught us well, and has a great sense of humor. The things I've learned in this class have given me the most applicable life skills thus far. I can't say enough how much I've loved this class!

Growing Old

My mom and dad really enjoyed being together; they had a great marriage.  I always knew my mother would pass away first because of her ongoing health problems. And I worried about this day...the day my dad would be all alone.  He is very healthy and mentally alert.  At age 82, he has already surpassed the average lifespan of an American male.  He could very well live another 10 years.  I feel such a responsibility to help him have a happy life. What he wants more than anything is companionship.  He needs people in his life.  The days are very long when you are living alone.  He works at the temple and he volunteers with United Way, but the days are still very long.  My siblings and I all work and have families so we are at our busiest time of life.  We feel like he needs more than what we are offering.  We came up with a plan for each of us to bring him dinner one night a week and eat it with him so that he has company at least a few nights a week.  He loves it.  And so do I. Still, I feel like I need to do more.  I worry about it a lot.  I also wonder if my children will worry about me when I am at that point in my life?  Do we as human beings love each other enough?  Do we care about each other enough?  I want to live my life in such a way that I am always looking out for another human being.

My Son

My son is gay. He told us earlier in the year, and I was not surprised. I had a spiritual impression when he was young that he is gay, so I was prepared for his message. I was able to hug him and tell him how much I love him. I don't know everything, obviously, but I believe in Heavenly Father's plan for us. It is a perfect plan for all of us who are imperfect. The world teaches us that if you are gay, it is who you are; you are defined by that, and you must adopt that lifestyle. God teaches us that we are His children; that our potential is infinite. He also teaches us that our journey here on this earth will be a trial. The trials each one of us endures will be for our benefit and learning. We will need to rely on faith to get us through. If we ARE faithful, God will give us all that He has.

I have heard many people with same-sex attraction say they wish they felt differently. They have a righteous desire for these feelings to go away, and yet more often than not, those powerful feelings remain. There are other trials people have that are contrary to Heavenly Father's plan, like those who are never able to marry.  How about those who are never able to have children?  Aren't these trials also tied to Heavenly Father's plan for us and just as difficult? And yet, if you mention that to someone with same-sex attraction, they are offended you refer to their feelings as a trial, because the world has told them being gay is who they are. Therefore, by calling it a trial or something to overcome, you are essentially telling them THEY as a person are wrong. This is not how God feels about them. This is misinformation by the world.

As I said, I do not know everything. I think that is the point. The test would not be very hard if we had all of the answers. We are supposed to be tested to our very core so that we will rely on God, and only then will we progress. The world does not know this. I am SO grateful to know this. My son chooses to believe what the world has taught him, and not what we have taught him. I have tried to imagine what it would be like to have same-sex attraction, and how that would affect my faith. Would I choose to listen to the world, or would I choose to follow God?

President Trump

Donald Trump will not be the first or last flawed man or woman to enter the White House. We have had, and will have many more to come. I know a lot of people are feeling a myriad of feelings (depending on their views) because of the outcome of this election.

To me, this is just another example of how our journey is here on earth. We will always have opposition in our life. It is what helps us grow and become better people. The outcome of this election does not change who we are. We can still treat each other with kindness. We can still be examples of goodness. We can go to school, go to work, and teach our kids values. What we do with difficult situations in our lives is what makes us who we are. I'm not saying this from the perspective of someone who always makes right choices, but rather someone who is conscious of that, and who keeps trying even when I make mistakes.

This election has taught me to value the opinions of others, even if the opinions don't match mine. It has helped me understand my children better, my friends better and people I don't even know that well... understand what is important to them, and to be OK with that.

For what it's worth, I'm grateful to be an American. I'm grateful I was able to struggle through this election and come to a decision as difficult as it was and then to follow through on that decision.

God Bless America!

One-sided Media

My son took an AP Government class last year.  His assignment was to research TV and Radio news shows and see if they are fair or one-sided.  His group came to the conclusion that Fox News is one-sided (to the right).  I couldn't believe that was the conclusion.  The majority of news media stations out there are liberal.  Fox News is one of the few outlets where you can actually get some conservative news.  It just goes to show that education is also liberal.  Unless you attend a religious school, you are likely to be fed liberal ideas. I've noticed with liberalism, there is not much tolerance for anything else but liberalism.  At BYU, we are taught to think about all sides of the issues and come to our own conclusions.

Perspective

Perspective: the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one.  Our perspective changes depending on our age and circumstances.  My husband is a chiropractor.  When he first started his practice, he would often come home and talk about how badly his patients complained about their back pain.  He thought many of them were just exaggerating.  One year, on Mothers' Day (of all days), when our children were young and quite a handful, he was in our backyard digging up a tree.  He pulled something in his back and couldn't even move.  He was confined to his bed for the rest of the day, and then struggled with severe back pain for the next several months while he got treatment.  He moaned and complained a lot!  It was during those painful few months that his perspective changed.  He gained an understanding of his patients' pain.  After this experience, he never complained about or judged his patients again.  In fact, the whole experience changed the type of doctor he is.  He now has empathy and understanding.  I admire him for changing.  Often times in life, we are allowed to have experiences just like this, but our behavior remains the same.

Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone

Saturday nights are date nights with my hubby.  Friday nights are nights out with my girls.  My friend Susan and I went to dinner and then to a movie at the dollar theatre last night.  As I approached the ticket booth, I noticed a single, older lady behind me waiting in line.  When the ticket taker asked me how many tickets I wanted, I asked the lady behind me how many tickets she needed?  She responded with "Just one."  I asked her if I could buy her ticket?  She asked me what movie we were seeing, and I told her.  She asked me if it was a scary movie, and I said no.  Then she looked at me with a surprised look and asked me "Why? Why would you do that?"  I shrugged my shoulders and told her that I just wanted to.  So I bought her the ticket and handed it to her.  She looked at the ticket and when she realized that the movie didn't start for another 45 minutes, she asked if she could exchange it for another ticket. I told her that was just fine with me.  

Parenting

When you are a parent, you have so much hope for your children.  You hope they listen to your counsel.  You hope they get a good education.  You hope they do better than you did.  You hope they are happy and have love. There is so much you don't know about parenthood before you become a parent.  That is probably why we sign up for it!  We have no idea what is coming...the joy, the pain, the exhaustion. Certainly, as women, we forget the pain of pregnancy, labor, and childbirth, or we would never have a second child.  I guess it is good we forget, so that we can become a parent again.

Political Dilemma

How could a country full of so many bright, educated citizens only be able to produce two presidential candidates?  I cannot in good conscience vote for either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

If I vote for Hillary Clinton, I'd have to vote for bigger government, which I am against.  I also don't trust Hillary.  I don't like her foreign policy.  I don't like her tax philosophy or healthcare system.  She talks about women's rights, but then accepts huge donations from countries who oppress women.  If I HAD to pick one thing I like about Hillary, it is that she is a woman.  But that is not a good enough reason to vote for someone.  If I vote for a presidential candidate because she is a woman, she had better be a qualified woman, not just a woman.  It's like all the people who voted for Barack Obama because he is Black.  I would never vote for someone based on ethnicity or gender, only their qualifications.  I have to admit when Obama first entered the race, I was really excited about the prospect of electing a Black president.  Think of what it signified?  When just 150 years ago blacks were slaves, and now look how far they've come?  But Obama wasted his opportunity.

Then there is Donald Trump.  I do like the fact that he is not a career politician, that he has a business background and negotiating skills, and that he wants to make "American great again."  But, I have real concerns with the Donald.  I don't really care that he doesn't have experience in politics, because I think his business experience is what is needed to be a great leader.  But, his personality is not worthy of the office.  I don't like his bullying attitude.  I don't like how he talks down and demeans others.  I am worried he would treat other world leaders carelessly and put us at risk. 

I don't know what to do!  I just heard about McMullin who is a conservative running as an independent for President.  I haven't researched him too far yet.  But even if I do and I like what I see, the result will not help elect McMullin, it will likely help elect Clinton.  Never Clinton.  See the dilemma?

Mother's Rock!

My mother passed away on Monday night.  I used to think that when an older person passed away, especially one who has been very ill, that it wasn't particularly sad; that it was a good thing.  But I discovered that even though I am happy she is no longer suffering, I am sad she is gone.  Mothers are the rocks of the family.  The loss of the mother changes the whole family dynamics.  My mom orchestrated every family gathering for years.  She took care of birthdays, weddings, and family reunions.  She was the advocate for us all.   I will miss her influence very much.  

Watching a Loved One Die

The doctor told us my mother was not expected to live through the weekend a few weeks ago, but that was only if we did not offer her food or water.  He told us that a normal, healthy adult could only last 10 days without food or water.  But my mother is not in that category.  She had several strokes that left her paralyzed.  The paralysis includes her throat, which affects her ability to swallow.  If she is able to get anything down, it is aspirated into her lungs which causes pneumonia.  So it is a difficult balance to achieve.  She has hospice care, at home, and they are trying to make her as comfortable as possible.  My dad gives her baby food (small teaspoons) when she is hungry, and a swab that we dip in water to moisten her mouth.  Because we are feeding her and swabbing her mouth, she continues to live.  It is not much of a life at this point.  She is an invalid.  She cannot move anything but one hand.  She deteriorates a little bit each day.  This week I noticed she is not able to articulate words anymore.  She can't express how she feels, so we need to remember to ask her if she is cold, hot, hungry, or thirsty, stressed, in pain, etc.  When we ask her a question she can sometimes nod her head or make a noise so we know what she needs.  I visit every day.  The days are long and hard for my dad and my mom.  I want to visit my mom so that she knows that I love her.  I want to visit my dad to support him anyway I can. Sometimes I just sit with my mom so that he can get out of the house and away from the sadness.  It is so sad.  It will be a slow death. 

Our OCD dog, Sam

From the moment Sam came to our home as a puppy, five years ago, he showed signs of anxiety.  He anxiously paced the floor, stared at us for long periods of time, would not snuggle with us, and often howled a cry of pain if he was ever left alone in a room.  In the picture on the left, you can see the anxiety in his expression and in his body language.  Sam also has OCD. He will not go outside through the front door--ever! He will only go outside through the back door if we are standing on the left side of the door. If we are on the right side, he will circle around until we move.  Car rides were stressful for him, and he often shook with fright the entire trip. He loved our youngest son, and slept with him every night, but I often felt like he didn't like the rest of us.

When our youngest son went off to college about a month ago, we became empty nesters.  As a result, Sam had no one to sleep with at night, and he was afraid to come into our room.  He would whimper and cry all night long without our son. After three weeks of zero sleep, we decided to find another home for Sam.  I prayed that we would find a family with young kids and a mother who was home most of the time, since we were gone all day, and we felt he needed more interaction than we were able to give him.  I know it seems odd to pray for your dog.  I certainly have never felt the need to pray for an animal, but this dog was really stressing me out!  I was not happy, and I knew Sam was not happy either.  I had to find a solution for all of us.  I placed an ad on KSL, and that same day, a young family of four showed up at our doorstep that included: two young children, another sheltie, a father, and a stay-at-home mom.  We went outside so they could all get to know each other better, and see if Sam would be a good fit with their family. It was unbelievable.  The two children connected with him immediately.  They played ball, petted him, and ran around with him. The mother, father and their other dog also immediately connected with Sam.  They decided to take him home. As Sam happily hopped into the car with them, he never even looked back.  He was so happy to be with them.  The mother texted me several times throughout the next couple of days sending me pictures, telling me how happy they all were to have found him.  Now, I know God cares about me and wanted to help me find a solution, but now I know that God also cares about my crazy dog Sam.  And that was pretty cool to discover.

Pure Love of Christ

We are all going to die at some point in our life. We may dread it, not think about it, but it doesn't change the fact that we are all going to die.  I haven't yet experienced having someone significant in  my life pass away.  But for the past 6 months, my mom has been in a hospital.  She has had poor health as long as I can remember. Many times we have been called to come say our good-byes, only for her to miraculously recover.  This time is different.  She has been moved to hospice and the time has now come to say our final farewells.  I had the opportunity of visiting with my mom yesterday while my dad ran some errands for a few hours.  She was able to communicate with me.  She asked for my dad every few minutes. She doesn't want to be without him, and he doesn't want to be without her.   When my dad returned, this was their reunion.  My mom said, "There you are!"  My dad said, "I love your smile!"  And then he kissed her on the forehead.  In her weakened condition, she has often been agitated, angry and unkind to him, but my dad understands.  He shows her love, patience and kindness, always.  How often are we treated poorly by people who are in a "weakened condition" and instead of showing love and kindness, we retaliate?  My dad has been an example of someone who, in all situations in life, shows love.

A Taiwanese Summer

September 2, 2016

The first time I needed a passport was when I flew to Taiwan this summer!  It took me to a place filled with kind people, lush landscape, and sticky, wet, weather.  Food was delicious there...new flavors and textures I've never before experienced.  Cold water was in short supply.  The Taiwanese don't drink cold beverages as they believe it is unhealthy.  They do not offer it at the night markets, in restaurants, or in their homes.  One of the hottest times I've ever been in my life was visiting a friend of my daughter's.  We had just taken a long bike ride through HuaLien so we were nice and hot.  As we entered her un-airconditioned home, we were offered hot pudding.  We didn't want to be rude so we took a bite and smiled as sweat dripped down our foreheads and into the bowl.  While it was a new feeling, being constantly wet, humidity healed my cracked skin and my aching back pain disappeared.